Mauertakticker, 32. Spieltag (Special Edition)

Special occasions, special measures – English Week in the German Bundesliga. And Mauertaktik was as always on the pulse of time. My marvelous colleague Jurgen Age Nuta and yours truly Franck von Schleck tickered Tuesday’s four parties live and in colour:

Bayern Munich vs. Bayer Leverkusen; Karlsruhe SC vs. Hanover 96
1. FC Cologne vs. Hertha Berlin; VfL Wolfscastle vs. Prussia Theremouth


Mauertakticker, 32. Spieltag (Special Edition) (12.05.2009) 
16:04
Only a few hours until the balls will be rolling in the German arenas. Look back in at 8 o’clock!
19:55
Zackboom, there we are again!
19:57
Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to this world premiere of the legendary Walltacticker! Jay-Age Nuta and myself are absolutely thrilled. Soon the parties go loose!
19:58
The beer pearls once again. It is very delicious. Jurgen H. Nuta writes some SMS at the moment, so I (that is Franck von Schleck) will start with this beautiful event.
19:59
To my left I have the honour to introduce Dr. Basty van Tasty! He has already taken some snaps to the breast.
20:00
We are in the Wildpark in Karlsruhe. And we have a bad, bad cloudbreak here. The lawn is extremely wet which should favor Mike (sic!) Franz.
20:01
In Wolfscastle however we have a beautiful evening with a blue sky, don’t we? Prussia Theremouth will try to win here.
20:02
Onkick in Munich.
20:03
The Alliance Arena seems properfull. The Workseleven plays in Black-Yellow and looks more like a swarm of bumblebees tonight.
20:04
And already the first chance, Luca Toni fucks up the Italian Job after a preparation by Prince Poldy.
20:04
Tom Bavarian reports live from Wolfscastle! Nice.
20:06
On a personal note: Admiral von Schleck is deeply disappointed by the downposition of the 1st FCK. That was it with the upstep into the 1st division!
20:07
And we are in Cologne. Uncle Nuta gets crazy already. The Hertha is here to guest.
20:08
Demolition man Patrick Ebert plays. No rear-view mirrors in sight though.
20:10
The Pub is good filled. We have gattered places at one of the tons next to the entrance. Ribéry now with a corner… And frompush for Leverkusen.
20:10
Back to Wolfscastle. The game platchers so therehin.
20:11
And the first chance for Prussia! Kuba misses.
20:11
And Jurgen H. Nuta is getting into his element. „Even visitors from Mumbay“, he amuses himself.
20:12
GOAL in Karlsruhe! For the Kay-Es-Cee. Iashvili (about 48 years old) makes it! One-nothing for the guestgivers.
20:14
And the crowd goes wild!! Toto Customer, the Premiere-Clockgestone, is the reporter in Karlsruhe! With Toto, the customer is really king….
20:15
Back to Cologne. Small chance for the Hertha. But forgiven. Nice pass by Pistol-Joe Simunic. Cologne recovers the ball.
20:16
Snaketongue is leaning on the doorframe, trying to look seductive. We try to ignore her.
20:17
Drinks-Steve is also here, sitting on his trunk-place at the bar.
20:17
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL in Wolfscastle!!!!
20:18
The leading for the Vee-Dub-Eleven. Dzeko (who else?) puts the marble into the net! The peakrider scores first…
20:19
Basty van Tasty finds it disgusting. He starts to vomit now.
20:21
I have enough and give over to my competent colleague Jurgen H. Nuta!
20:22
Slomo in Wolfscastle. Dzeko was offside.
20:25
Freekick in Munich for Bayer, nice ball, but Hansjörg Arsch punches the ball out. No another slomo – two clear 11meter not given for the Workseleven. Skandal!! Nobody likes Hertha…
20:26
„In Cologne it still rains like Harry“ whispers Schleck. Van Tasty and me look at eachother and are ratlos.
20:28
Ugly foul from the Amercian dream McKenna to Rafael, where is the red card?? Patrick Ebert punts the pill in the rainy sky.
20:29
We are back at the most interesting game tonight, KSC vs Hanoi. But…
20:30
GOAAAL in Wolfscastle- But doch nicht. Second offside goal doesn’t count. The football god don’t drive Vee-Dub!
20:32
Schleck cheers for the disgusting Lowsax, Van Tasty counts him on.
20:33
Come on, referee Dr. Butcher makes a very unlucky shape.
20:34
GOAAAAL in Karlsruhe! 2:0 for the homies, Stindl (That’s the name) pushes a nice flank in. Maybe it’s the great resurrection of the Badener this night.
20:38
In Munich is Bayer Leatherbreast much better than the Bavarians,.
20:40
It’s kind of boring in the German arenas, in opposite to our Berlin Pub.
20:41
To have no beer makes me sick, I give back to Schleck.
20:43
Inthrow now by Marc Stone, he finds Marko Pantelic – to the Roman Senator – and Cicero MAAAAAAAAAAAAKES THE GOAAAAAL !!! Leading hit for the Hertha in Cologne!
20:44
And GOOOAL in Karlsruhe. The Anschluss goal. Only 1-2 now. Pinto the Goalmaker.
20:44
Bavaria Munich are struggling for the first goal in the Alliance Arena. Until now without success.
20:46
And we are nearing us the break tea. Leverkusen’s Fidel Castro gets the yellow card for repressing his opponent on the right wing.
20:46
GOOOAL in Karlsruhe! 2-2 !!!
20:47
Mikkael is not for sale but rather shoots the outeven. „In Cologne is halftime“, says Nuta.
20:48
Last corner for Theremouth. Nothing. Halftime allplacen.
20:49
We are ordering an Earl Grey, enjoying the halftime show here in the club home. Be back soon with more.
20:53
What a splendid first half we have seen, haven’t we, Dr. Tasty?
20:56
The first half is over. We had a horny goal by Hertha Berlin. The pub here is full as Jay-Jay Hanuta after the 10th beer.  
20:57
Sorry, 15th.
20:58
I have to say „Hi“ to the capital man who went to disgusting Munich. You misses here.
21:01
In the meantime Frank „of sucking“ undertakes an outflight to a doenermaker with migration backround nearby.
21:02
Hopefully he finds the way back because he is the masterchief here.
21:02
Same is Hertha Berlin in the German Bundesliga.
21:03
Back again in the stadiums.
21:03
Wasn´t ment evolutionary…
21:04
I have given suck to the baby that milks me….
21:04
Sorry, some Shakespeare…
21:04
Goal for the most disgusting team in the world
21:05
Munich’s Toni scored by pretending to shoot and not hit the ball.
21:05
Otherwise the ball would be in Poland.
21:05
2:0 Wolfsburg
21:06
The world stinks.
21:06
But still 42 minutes left to make Hertha first.
21:07
OK the Chef is back.
21:08
Sorry for the turbulation. Now the discipline is back.
21:09
Jurgen H. Nuta tries to order another beer, tells the barkeeper that he already promised him another one. No response.
21:10
AND GOOOOOAL in Cologne! Twonull for the Hertha. Nice bowlamp by P. Ebert. The Demolition Man strikes back. The predecision?
21:12
We are receiving weird messages from Munich. „Harras“ is turning free apparently. Accute Strongbeeralert!
21:14
The round here is philosophizing about Leverkusen’s upstep in Munich. First half better, then the obligatory againstgoal. Disgusting. The last victory of the Pillturners in Munich happened in 1989.
21:15
Reply to Harras‘ message: You are so wrong!
21:16
GOOOOAL in Munich!!! 2-0 for the Bavarians.
21:16
„The ugly Franck“, as Basty puts it, „clear foul“, says Jay-Age Nuta. Howalsoever – the score is Two-Nothing. Leverkusen beat.
21:18
Everybody here north of the White Sausage Equator does not like the recent developement.
21:18
Theremouth now under pressure. Wolfscastle try to score some more. They have to too, since Bavaria are on the rudder now.
21:20
GOOOOAL in Baden!
21:21
The leading hit for Hanover. Yuk!!
21:22
Balitsch puts the pill into the net. Indian exchange students infiltrate the room now. We do not know why.
21:22
The lightning table is put on by Premiere for the 421st time. Karlsruhe dead-last.
21:24
In Cologne Pistol-Joe Simunic plays the ball with the hand but does not see the yellow card. The crowd is pleased.
21:25
„Pass me the bottle, Mr. Jones“, demands Nuta. I do him the favor. And up…
21:27
And now JayJay H. Nuta at ringside. Toni with a big chance, but he is just really really bad.
21:28
Almost the 3:3 in Karlsruhe, but ref Gräfe blows his whistle and decides offside.
21:31
GOAL in Munich. Osram Heynckes glows like a 3000W- spotlight, Prinz Peng with the 3:0. It is just disgusting. These ugly folks in the back of our pub are happy, but van Tasty with nice roundhouse kick, now it’s quiet in the back. What a slobbaknocker. Van Tasty is the world’s strongest beerdrinker in the whole world.
21:32
The funny people straight from Mumbay are looking at our notebook like they never seen anything like this before. Funny.
21:35
RED CARD in Wolfscastle. The Prince formally known as Boateng with a running drop kick (like Van Tasty twon minutes ago) to the head of a wolf and now he has to leave. Theremouth with only ten men now for the last 15 minutes.
21:38
It seems that all three teams on top are winning their matches.
21:40
Back in Cologne. Christoph Thumb substitutes, but this is just not interesting.
21:43
Leverkusen is in this friendly match without any chance. Unfortunately there are 6 more minutes to go, what this silly commentator Kai Thisman word by word in German translates.
21:46
GOAL in Golf’s Town. Bernd Hollerbach, the most dangerous Leftfoot in the 1990s is cheering, that means 3:0.
21:47
Master of Desaster wants his notebook back.
21:48
Schleck is back. Over and out in the Dometown. Hertha wins 2-1 (yeah, last goal in the last minute).
21:50
One of the Brothers Grimm is here now – Feivel. Nuta has a horrible suspicion: Jens Nowotny AND Olaf Melzig are playing for Leverkusen. Out in Munich! And THE FOG reloaded in Karlsruhe. Not Schluss but Krieg in Baden, supposes Nuta. Heavy smoke bombs – we think we are in Bagdad, not Baden…
21:51
And now all games are over. Wolfscastle and Bavaria Munich march head-to-head. Karlsruhe is gone. Hertha remains one point behind. Good-bye say Jurgen H. Nuta, Special Guest Basty van Tasty and yours truly Franck von Schleck. Good night, and good luck!
21:52
 

 

Autor: Fränck von Schleck

Fränck von Schleck ist in seiner Heimat eine veritable Legende. Als erster luxemburgischer Blogger überhaupt zog er aus, das gemütliche Kleinherzogtum im Herzen Europas in aller Fußballwelt bekannt zu machen. Der alte Spezi von Buli-Urgestein Jeff Strasser kann den nötigen Draht in die Beletage des internationalen Fußballs vorweisen. Oft angesprochen wird von Schleck auf die bizarren Umlautformationen in seinem Vornamen. Der uneheliche Sohn des bärbeißigen Alttrainers, Tee-Fau-Experten und Weizenanbauers Smudo L. wendete hierfür im Jahre 1994 die damals gültige Zweipunkteregel an. Der smarte Beneluchs wollte damit nach Insiderinformationen speziell in seiner Wahlheimat Berlin (Ost) günstig Sympathiepunkte hamstern. Die letzeburger Labertasche schreibt nach eigener Aussage über alles, was ihm unter die flinken Finger kommt. Saufkumpan Strasser rang ihm am Ende einer mehrtägigen Zechtour weiland das Versprechen ab, mit besonderer Inbrunst über den strauchelnden Pfälzer Traditionsverein zu berichten, bei dem Strasser einst beschäftigt war. Aber auch sonst gibt es kaum ein Thema, das vor der spitzen Feder von der Lützelburg sicher wäre.

10 Gedanken zu „Mauertakticker, 32. Spieltag (Special Edition)“

  1. Since I don´t understand outlandish I herewith ask you to underlet this. But still I am as pleased as punch on tonight. Sadly I´ll be late. Hope it wont be: how is late punishes life. So long see you tonight at the livingroom. Best wishes and have I am strongly big time fond of you all.

  2. great the english week.
    i have problems wiss sse language, my english is not very goot. my german is better. and i hope in sse next mounss i learn inglisch for andaständ all questions.
    and i hope we have a little bit lucky and Hertha BSC can win this year sse german soccer championship.

  3. „Slomo in Wolfscastle.“

    bin ich der einzige, der „Shlomo in Wolfscastle“ gelesen hat?

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